How to Roast a Chicken in Under Five Minutes, and Other Life-Saving Hacks.

We all understand the convenience of a quick, hot meal, but what happens when you’re facing not only the sheer misery of the cold but also the dreaded Eskom lottery? That’s why every discerning individual needs a reliable cache of ready-to-heat, heat-and-eat meals. But before we delve into my personal freezer strategy, let’s address something more substantial than a midnight snack: the art of sharing abundance.

I swear I’m going to lose my mind. It is so cold in Johannesburg. It’s too cold to even risk life and limb to get out of bed to turn the heater on. My hands feel like ice cubes, and when that wave of hunger consumes you—that choice between freezing and foraging—it demands a strategic response.

I was recently reminded of a wonderful initiative in Cape Town—people banding together to create a soup kitchen for the homeless. I’m not one to judge, but I must confess the soup looked divine—thick, hearty, meaty, and flavourful. And that is the point: there is nothing worse than giving substandard fare to the less fortunate.

I was once in Durban, queuing for food at a Hare Krishna takeaway. Their vegetarian food was cheap as chips, healthy, delicious, and exotic, featuring calabash and okra. When the woman refused to serve me, saying they were closed, I was confused, particularly as I was ravenous. She explained that after 5pm, they gave away all their leftovers to the homeless. I offered to pay, arguing that my sugar levels were dropping and I was, for all intents and purposes, less fortunate. She said, “No, it’s about good karma.” I felt too embarrassed to accept free food I wouldn’t be allowed to pay for, and the irony is I ended up at Steers, buying a burger and chips. My understanding is that the purest act is to share abundance when you have abundance to share, particularly when that abundance is good quality. It was truly inspiring.

To combat the misery of Joburg’s winter and load shedding, the discerning approach is to invest in strategic bulk batch cooking and freezing of high-quality, comforting meals like lasagna and casseroles. This guarantees immediate access to impressive, substantial food with minimal effort, allowing one to effortlessly sustain warmth and avoid the necessity of a cold kitchen or complicated preparation.

The Art of the Effortless Freezer Strategy

Standing in a cold kitchen is not comforting, which is why a well-stocked freezer is paramount. For those worried about Eskom, a gas burner is a worthwhile investment, but here are my best tips for ready-to-heat meals that require minimal cooking effort.

The Comfort Classics, Optimised for Freezing

Toasted Sandwich and Soup: This is a classic, comforting combination. I always cook soup in bulk and freeze a good portion. When reheating (even in the microwave), you simply add garnishes to elevate it. Pair it with a quick, toasted cheese sandwich, and it’s heaven when you don’t feel like cooking.

Lasagna and Casseroles: Lasagna freezes exceptionally well. I normally make an extra two that I can simply defrost for the lazy, cold days. Casseroles and stews also freeze beautifully, but I assert you must avoid root vegetables. Potatoes and carrots never freeze well; they never come out quite the same—it’s a bit like having cancer, they’re simply never the same.

Pastry & Pies: I’ve never trusted those ready-made pies you buy, but it takes minimal effort to make your own. You make your filling, roll out puff pastry, create a decorative lattice or basket weave topping, and freeze the unbaked pie. When the cold strikes, you whip it out, let it come to room temperature, and throw it in the oven. You never have to tell people it was ready-made and frozen.

Sausage Casserole: This is delicious. Sausages and baked beans make a comforting combination. I make an extra helping that I freeze, and that combination is truly a winner winner sausage dinner in the middle of the week.

Tips for Bulk Batch Cooking

To make your batch cooking efficient and ensure your frozen meals are delicious upon reheating, you need discipline and the right equipment.

The Authority of Good Containers

Invest in Quality Containers: You need good, airtight containers because the flavour of freezer burn is never a great one. I recommend those glass containers with a plastic lid. They are airtight, minimise microplastics, save on washing up (you can defrost it in the fridge, then straight into the oven), and are an excellent excuse to buy yourself some good cookware.

Planning and Multiplication: Always plan ahead, deciding on your dishes and portions. When you’re cooking a meal that you know freezes well, you simply double or triple the recipe. This is where my maths is surprisingly good.

The Thawing Trick: When it’s freezing, you don’t want to spend time ‘faffing around.’ Thaw your meal in the fridge overnight, then heat it up in the microwave, oven, or stove. Having this set of ready-to-heat meals ensures that the cold, and the hunger it brings, never make you feel “inhuman.”

The Impressive, Effortless Spatchcock Chicken

If you want a truly quick and lazy dish that still feels special and looks after itself, nothing beats a roast chicken. Chicken is such an effortless protein. You can prepare a whole chicken in under five minutes:

Spatchcock It: Simply crack it down the spine so it lies flat. Season: Drizzle it with butter or olive oil, season with salt and pepper. Herbs, onion, and lemon are optional, as is a drop of cream or half a cup of yoghurt for a self-saucing chicken.

The Quickest Method: One of the quickest, most delicious roast chickens I’ve ever made was done by spatchcocking it, smearing a handful of butter all over it, grinding some salt and pepper, and throwing it straight into the oven. Simplicity personified.

If you throw in some garlic bread for the last 10 minutes, microwave some vegetables, or open a bag of salad, you have a delicious, hot meal. Never be shy to let people assume that everything you did required a little bit of effort.

Comment: What’s in your freezer for a fast, convenient dinner?

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