Smashing the Singles Scene – With Nothing But Your Personality

Let’s face it, looks fade, money comes and goes, and dating apps are basically the Wild West with filters. So what actually makes someone irresistible?

In this JoziStyle episode, we dive into the chaotic charm of dating with just your personality – no yacht pics, no abs, no trust fund. Just vibes. Can you really stand out in a world of swipe fatigue and ghosting by being yourself? We say yes—and we’ve got the receipts, shade, and saucy stories to prove it. Whether you’re newly single, chronically coupled, or just here for the popcorn, this one’s for anyone who’s dared to date with their heart (and a good sense of humour).

I did get some interesting information from people, by the way, who just thanked me for saying: “Thank you for talking about the loneliness of being single in your 40s and your 50s.”

A lot of the people I’ve spoken to – my friends, or listeners who aren’t even friends – just said:

“It was so hard in high school to make friends because everybody already had so many.”

In their 20s and 30s, they might have had a social circle, or they got married and inherited their partner’s friends. But now, in their 40s and 50s, so many are getting divorced. Their children have left the nest. They’ve gone to varsity or moved far away.

And suddenly, they’re alone.
Not just single – but socially stranded.

“I don’t want to go dating.”
“I don’t want to go on those dreadful dating apps.”
“Thanks for reminding us about the serial killers on dating apps…”

Honestly, a lot of people said I’d put the fear of God into them. So… where do you go to meet people?

The Statistics on Friendship Loss
I read an article recently citing a study showing that women – more than men – replace 50% of their friends every seven years.

It sounds alarming, but it’s normal. We grow. We evolve. We outgrow people.

So many people feel like they’ve been left behind. Not because someone left, but because their interests shifted. Their life moved in a new direction. That’s the reality for many in midlife.

What We Need to Talk About
This is a topic we’ve touched on before – and we’ll keep revisiting:
How do we meet people in ways that are healthy and conducive to meaningful connection?

I’m not judging – but some people are very promiscuous. They can’t even keep it in their pants long enough to say what they do for a living. And I’m not just talking about men – I know some very loose women too.

If you’re using dating apps for… let’s just say “specific needs,” that’s your prerogative. But let’s not confuse instant gratification with real connection.

You can’t complain about being lonely if you’re not giving people the opportunity to build something real with you.

Once you’ve slept with someone, you can’t really be friends. Even if you didn’t see each other naked – you did things naked. There’s an emotional mark left behind.

So if you’re lonely, but also being promiscuous? That disconnect might be the problem.

A Thought (from Someone Old-Fashioned)
If you want to get to know someone:
Don’t sleep with them immediately.
Take time to decide:
Are they friend material? One-night stand material? Or marriage material?

And if they’re marriage material – you’ll wait.
Create mystique. Show moral fibre.

Don’t just throw it out for the first person who texts you “Hi, babe.”

The Art of Making Friends at Every Age
Whether you’re a teen or turning 80, the truth is this:
You always need to know how to make new friends.

And I invite you to let me know what your challenges are.
Comment on the blog: www.jozistyle.joburg
What’s holding you back?
What would you like others to understand about your experience?One More Thing…

I see this so often:
People go out with a checklist. A mission. They’re not just socialising – they’re hunting.

If you’re out looking for “The One,” people will smell the desperation.
Reel it in. Keep it cool. Show up as someone who wants good conversation – not just a wedding.

Go out. Have a great time. Don’t make it transactional.
Go for drinks. Watch a movie. Visit a gallery. Go to the flea market. Go to the theatre. Even the library. Just be out there.

Want to meet a high-worth individual?
Join a high-worth gym.
Yes, they cost more – but you’ll meet people who value their health, time, and personal investment.
Cheap gym = cheap thinking. Premium gym = premium connection. That’s just maths.

Let me know what works for you, and I’ll share your top tips anonymously on the next episode of the podcast.